Monday, April 2, 2012

Bella in the Basement

Notes from the Underground.  My name is Bella and I live in a basement. I've been feeling a bit off as of late, trying to get adjusted to my new environment. As you may know, as I may have told you, I've recently re-located from the sunny climes of California to the rain adorned surroundings of the Pacific Northwest. I did it for a dude. A dude I like. A lot. That said, I'm thinking I did it for more than just that reason. I was struggling in my previous situation, I wasn't thriving. I'm now seeking to make a life for myself in which I flourish. I'm not sure that I'm flourishing at the moment; I only know that I've bought the existential equivalent of a lottery ticket. Hoping to hit the jackpot. 

I'm trying to keep my eye on the ball, so to speak. And chin up, etc, etc as I reel off resume after resume and hope for a tug on the line, wanting to find the right sort of work, with the right sort of pay. The right sort being something that could actually pay the rent. So far no takers. I did have an opportunity to be a ghost writer, which seems a proper trade for a girl who lives in a basement. To write anon, voice heard but sight unseen, invisible behind a curtain of fonts. Alas, I got cold feet at the last minute. I wasn't sure I could make enough money doing it, for the amount of time involved. And perhaps it was just something in my gut that just said: no can do

I suppose I want to be seen. As I explore neighborhoods that are foreign to me, in a town that is not my hometown, I yearn to be known, to be nodded at, smiled to, recognized. It's going to take time, I know. I must be patient. I must lie in wait. Come the first sight of sun, I plan to pop my head out and take in the world. Take on the world. Two times two make five. In the meantime, I'll lay low, grateful for the kindness of friends, of family support, and plan to emerge from this adventure with a job, and home, and a spot of happiness.

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Melanie said...

Just listening to your Foxymorons... Believe me, springtime in these parts can be spectacular. I know the feeling, hurry up and wait... Your instincts won't steer you wrong!

lasophia said...

Well Bella, we're in the same boat. New location, and filling out job apps like nobodies business. I get down with all my down time, but try and use it for unfinished projects. It wont be like this forever. Soon we'll be gathering momentum again and hoping to be back to the time when all we had was time.

mispapelicos said...

I wanted to read this post for a long time.
You have been very brave, and all the moves in life are always for the better, even the ones that are not right.
I also moved to a colder climate (England) for the same reasons, and after 10 years i came back home to the sun with a lot learn.
No time is wasted, Bella.
I wish now, I would have enjoyed more the path and the daily little things more than the whole picture all the time.
Perphaps you are there to give light more then to recieve it; after all you carry the sun with you.
You have me here for whatever you need.
Much love always.

Please may I? said...

As the saying goes keep your chin up hun, something will turn up I am sure. And when people realise just how amazing you are they will all be fighting over you!

X x

Ps loving the red hair.

X x

Franca said...

You'll be grand. cos you're ace!

Unknown said...

Good things come to those who wait :) you'll be fine, you are a shining star.
All the best


Meghan Edge said...

Eventually I'd like to live in the Pacific Northwest, but that's because the rain and temperature has always appealed to me. So I envy your location.

When I moved to Philly I had no one. I was three hours away from family, which can seem like a lifetime when you don't drive, and I knew no one. Eventually I met friends, but sometimes I still feel like I'm alone. Just remember you have friends online, too.

Chin Up! You'll do great. ^_^

Unknown said...


"I wasn't thriving. I'm now seeking to make a life for myself in which I flourish. I'm not sure that I'm flourishing at the moment; I only know that I've bought the existential equivalent of a lottery ticket. Hoping to hit the jackpot."

Those sentences could have been written just for have described EXACTLY where I'm at right now. Not thriving... but working towards the big happiness.

You are a wonderful writer Bella, and a beautiful woman - you deserve to be heard and seen. Good for you. Brave, wonderful, creative, inspirational, fabulous.

Sarah xxx

Jill said...

Hi Bella, what a great post. It takes time when you move to a new place, to settle in, to get a feel for it, to decide how it makes you feel. I'm with Sacramento, enjoy the daily details, the little things, instead of overthinking the big picture at this point. And girl, don't be a ghost writer unless they are paying you big fat money. Is it just me, or does it seem like nobody wants to pay writers ANYTHING these days? What is up with that? Nobody puts Baby in the corner! Don't settle on the issue of your creativity honey, it's your identity, it's your lifeforce! Can you tell I've been listening to motivational tapes lately? Love you! XO, Jill

Thrifted Shift said...

Hang in there, the right thing is going to come along. In the meantime, keep exploring and wandering the city because you'll likely have less time to do it soon! And get out of the basement, especially if it's rainy! Take care, dear.

Anupriya DG said...

I'm sure one fine day you'll bid adieu to your cousin's basement & bloom your way into a beautiful place you'll be calling "home"!
Till then, keep watering the bud.....& keep your spirits up! The garden won't look half as good without you!! *hugs*

P.S.: LUUUUURRRRRVVVVVEEEEE the new header! <3

mtg said...

Wishing you all the best, dear Bella! Sending hugs and encouragement your way!

doradadama said...

Don't worry everything will begin to fall into place soon amor.
look at those gorgeous brown ojos.

WendyB said...

You've embarked upon a grand adventure!

Jean at said...

The fact that you're there says it's not a mistake. Continue to listen, love, move with openness, and it will all unfold. It's always remarkable how and when it happens (and IS happening!)

I've never regretted jumping into the abyss. No matter the outcome, you won't either, I truly believe. Plus, you can write your a** off, my dear. It's all in place.

Love, Jean

Sasha Maria said...

I wish you the very best in your new home! It takes real courage to uproot yourself in such a way. Hopefully you can line a job up and start flourishing in the slightly damper, chillier Northwest. ;)

Anonymous said...

Have you seen Brene Brown's Ted Talks? They are very very inspiring to she talks about vulnerability. It seems to me that that is where you are right now and it takes a great deal of courage...I know we're all rooting for things to blossom for you.

The Style Crone said...

You may be living in the basement but with your talent, intent, beauty and desire you will find your way. Of that I am sure. I appreciate that you share your new journey with us. Transitions are difficult but they bring the greatest growth.

Stacey said...

I like hearing about your journey in this new place because it reminds me that it isn't strange for me to feel a bit out of place in my new town. Things will look up for both of us, I'm sure of it. :)

alexis said...

Oh Bella---
YOU are brave. And smart. And caring. And beautiful.

I know you will have something hit (work wise) and when it does, it will undoubtedly be the BIG jackpot.

Lots and lots and lots of love (and ps I love the new header!)

xoxox Alexis (of North On Harper)

Hope Adela Pasztor said...

LOVE your hair!! =)

Unknown said...

Aww that's so romantic :) I'm sure it was partly because you were feeling uninspired and the guy was just the extra push you needed. Although living in a basement doesn't sound all that inspiring. Hope you like the new place :)

Curtise said...

The basement is just the starting point, Bella - I can't believe that someone with your talent and soul and spirit won't be able to make her way in her new city. Good stuff takes time. It'll happen.
PS. Love the song, never heard of the Foxymorons before - like the name too! xxxxxxx

Lindsay Living said...

You should always do the thing that scares you; that puts you out of your comfort zone; that feels like you're jumping off a cliff. Without that, without real fear and the unknown laid out before you life becomes stale and useless. In my opinion, unbearable. I become crazy when I feel too comfortable for too long. At least that's what I've learned in my 29 years.

Sarah | Cable Car Couture said...

Bella, I know exactly how you feel. I'm new to Seattle as well and craving some structure and recognition in my life. There are lots of opportunities to work and connect and reach out online, but it just isn't the same as it is in person, you know? So if you want someone to sip coffee with on a random Tuesday afternoon and brainstorm options, I'm your girl! Good luck with sorting out the details of this next phase of your life. I'll be doing the same.

Cable Car Couture

SeƱora Allnut said...

dear lady, you live in the basement so you're laying the foundations for something great and bright that will flourish as you want!
Moving is just like buying 'the existential equivalent of a lottery ticket' (love how you've expressed it!). You can feel you're jumping into space but there's a good firm ground waiting to be walked on and to grow in!!
besos & flourishing

The Closet Shopper said...

I want to kiss your face!


Anonymous said...

I hope this move opens up new opportunities for you. Change is good and can be quite invigorating!

Anonymous said...

Hey Bella!
I know you have tons of friends already but I would love for you to think of me as one of them! You're one of a kind...such a sweetie!
Hang in there my friend... good things will come your way!


JTWisdom said...

It takes a while to get adjusted to a new location. I am sending encouragement and love your way. Great opportunities are on the horizon.


as a lady who has always had to move growing up don't worry there's always something to absorb in a new locale ... you seem like a survivor in many ways, so I'm certain you will be resilient in the Emerald City. Perhaps, the sun will come out to smile on you (folks get excited like a holiday there when that happens, lol) Enjoy your Thursday. :)

Anonymous said...

Things are lining up for you right now. And you've got us to keep you company while you wait for life to skyrocket. You are adored!


Anonymous said...

Good luck with everything dear Bella! I know good things will come for you :)


Jamillah said...

Oh Bella, you will be getting mobbed before you know it. It takes time to get your sea legs in any new place. I have every confidence in you.

Krista said...

If you are ever in Portland let me know I'd love to meet you. Vix speaks so highly of you and that's good enough for me. Good luck in love and Seattle. Adventure is what life's about!