The Citizen Rosebud

Seattle based blossom selling fresh picked vintage + pre-loves for you to bloom madly.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Twain


Samuel Clemens took his pen name from a maritime term, mark twain. It was in riverboat dialect for the calling out of the depth of water beneath the boat's keel (source). It was an indication of "safe water." For me, it also means the spot where you are in between places: the deep and the shallow. A standing ground of Limbo.

Perhaps that is where I am now. Betwixt. Between.  Twain. I'm capturing (or captured) in flux between two states of being- the where from and where to. There is no mention of the where-hows. Crossroads, and crossbows. In real life I take aim, and then detour. It's now my intention to get back on track.


Recently I took a trip, but it was not a vacation. I went back to my hometown of Sacramento to deal with some items of business. Funny thing was- it didn't feel like my hometown. It was a warm familliar place, but not home. Home was someplace else. With someone.

Since I was away from my computer, I took some time off this blog. Instead I shopped without thinking of the next blog post- or what was "trending." I focused on things that I personally liked and turned off the part of my brain that spins every article of activity into a potential post. It was refreshing. My tastes have never been particularly hip or cool or in, and it felt wonderful to just revel in my own delights. I read 2 fashion magazines from cover to cover, the first time in years. You see, over the last 4 years I've spend so much time reading other blogs and blogging, that I've stopped reading, even glossy, picture riddled fashion books. So imagine the deliciousness of re-discovering the tactile pleasure of page turning.

For quite some time, I'm been gearing up for a change of the Citizen Rosebud. I want to make it more about our community, less about me personally. And to put it bluntly, I never felt my personal wardrobe was of particular interest- there's a reason I'm not a Lookbook.nu super star, or Chictopia Style Icon. But I do feel like I have something to share about personal style. As a person not partial to wagging articles of advice at people, I've always preferred to show by example. Whether or not I've had any success in that is honestly better known to you, not me.

What I do know is, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WRITING. And I treasure the comments and email sharing with me, how much something I wrote affected, influenced or inspired someone. When I see that my ideas or point of view have a positive impact, I feel like a million bucks. What I don't feel rich about is the heavily mined and tired subject of fashion. There, I've come out and said it- this has been a fashion blog, and I am tired of fashion. Bored to tears by my own immersion in the consumer culture that is wrapped (and rapt) around this industry. While I will never tire of the glories of a beautiful wardrobe and the art of costume, I am exhausted with my online expression of it. 

Meanwhile, it's November and there's so much more to think about- Hurricane Sandy, the upcoming election and everyday life- the sink that needs a good scour, the line up of books wanting to be looked at. We are waiting for the holidays- and yet are thick in the middle of a celebration. Everyday you wake up breathing is a reason to celebrate. So cheers, blog-mates and readers. Let's celebrate the beauty of our days, and the dressing up of it. Let's brace ourselves for change. My need for community and craving for meaning is undiminished.

Together, let's link up, and line up to create a space where we can share our lives, and feel safe.
A grateful thank you to the readers and sponsors that make this blog possible.


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35 comments:

Terri said...

Even this is so beautifully said. I was nodding my head as I read, but I think you are honing in on your strengths--community and moving writing.

Krista said...

That was pretty deep Bella. I can really relate to your comment about being exhausted by your online expression of consumerism. I have been feeling a bit off with my blogging lately and I can't quite put my finger on it. Then again maybe it's just fall setting in. I do know that you are an amazing writer and you should continue to nurture that and whatever else pleases your mind body and soul.

For me the love of blogging comes from the people I have formed real connections with. Part of your charm is you are so unassuming, you got charm, you got style and you are a good person.
Keep searchin'
XOXO
Krista

Tami Von Zalez said...

Hi Bella!

I think the beauty of blogging is that you can create your own space and can configure it to your own liking, and there is so much more to life than just fashion.

I have a couple of ideas for you that you might want to investigate. One is visit the blog http://theyearofless.blogspot.com/

To stretch your writing skills, join in http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/ that will resume in April 2013.

Feel free to contact me anytime!

thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

pao said...

Yea for you Bella. One of the things I am so not into is all the consumerism that is at the forefront of many of the blogs, whether overtly or not. I never got why they put in tiny type under a pic what store they bought a particular article from, etc. I'm not interested in buying, consuming, et.al. Or where anyone else buys things. Or trends for goodness sake. Who cares? I'm interested in creativity, self-expression, re-using, re-fashioning, making do, and what people have to say, think. So I really welcome your change of heart and can't wait to read your evolution of the Citizen Rosebud!

Punk Glam Queen http://ideefixemon.blogspot.com said...

Well said! Reading and writing is and always has been a part of my life. I feel empty without either. So sometimes I go off the blog for some good reads, or to work on writing projects. Believe it or not, I read approximately 6-8 books a week, the library loves me! (I should have a platinum library card, right? Ha!) I blog when I feel inspired, feel like sharing something I find interesting; but I don't hold myself to any type of strict schedule or type of post. I think what you've said is inspiring and look forward to your future posts! XXX Jet

Heather Fonseca said...

Oh reading! I remember that. I'm at the point where my only reading is to my children at night. I miss books, but between children and work, home and husband, I just have no time. Blog reading I can do because it comes in little snippets, and I will always read what you write because its wonderful. So I hope you'll continue blogging even if its not about fashion! Just do what you want with it.

Jean at www.drossintogold.com said...

Ahhh. So beautiful. You are growing, stretching, reflecting, and changing. Congratulations, my beautiful Bella!! That's why I love you, and I know I'm not alone in that.

Your journey is intensely personal, but also universal. Your writing gives it a voice that speaks to those who can appreciate it and be inspired by it. Keep following your Spirit. You are on the right path.

Sheila said...

I so much enjoyed reading this, Bella! I'm looking forward to seeing how you reinvent this...but please post an outfit when you feel like it! I do love your style.

Sheila said...

I so much enjoyed reading this, Bella! I'm looking forward to seeing how you reinvent this...but please post an outfit when you feel like it! I do love your style.

Marla said...

I had to read your post several times. I really enjoyed it, so thought provoking. Our lives are such amazing journeys. Sometimes we think we know so much but actually we know very little.

Patti said...

This is so exciting, Bella, when we change and grow and find or re-discover our passions. Your writing is powerful, I will read whatever you choose to write about!

Melanie said...

I completely hear ya! Fashion, smash-on. Fabric on flesh. And let's all dance around and talk about it. Yes, sometimes it is tiresome. Sometimes I want to do posts like, How to Wear a Pair of Socks, and advise how you should put one foot in and then the other... Everyone has rules - me too, my own guidelines for what's right or not. I guess it's a matter of where you feel the call.

You are a fantastic writer! I know your heart will take you to the good place. I woke up today thinking, it's another day, I'm still breathing, so it was funny to read your celebration of breathing. And your style choices, do, by the way, inspire people as a reflection of the cool person you are.

The Dutch Lady of Fashion said...

I hear you! Sometimes that's all we need. Stop,reflect, discover yourself, move forward, follow your inner YOU.

You are a beautiful soul Bella Bellissima! Want you to know you are an inspiration to me!

LOVES,
Gigi

Sacramento Amate said...

Beautiful words, my dearest Bella.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Style Agent 909 said...

Yes! I can totally relate to a constant dialog with myself about the "next post".
Sounds like you've done some serious soul searching. Whatever direction you decide to take your blog, I'm sure it's going to be the right one. I'll be on the look out for what's to come...

Pam @ over50feeling40 said...

The reason I have always run to your blog when a post pops up is to read your words, your thoughts. I have told you before you are a gifted writer...and I have trained students for 13 years how to write. You have a gift...please continue to share it..I think for community is perfect. Keep writing, my friend. There is much inside of you yet to come forth!

Kitty said...

Love that you're telling us how you feel, that's so awesome. Seriously.
Let's do the mag thing, I for one am READY!!!

thorne garnet said...

Gee, I hope you don't think you have to blog for us (the readers/followers). Do it for you! It's always fun to see your pretty face all dresses up in something cool looking, but if you need a change, change. No pressure.

Vix said...

You are a great writer. I'm not generally a fan of "wordy" blogs but read your every word. I'm sorry that you've felt bogged down by blogging and felt you were posting to please folk rather than yourself. If that's how you feel then it's definitely time for a change, at our age we don't need to be people pleasers.
The girls and I frequently discussing blogging and all share a mutual loathing of advertising, being patronised with "how to wear" posts or over-thinking the simple stuff. We're wasting far too much time commenting on things that aren't relevant/interesting to us that it's encroaching on the blogs we really enjoy. Time for a cull and to stay true to our tribe. xxx

SquirrelHeart said...

New reader here---I am drawn to your blog for your writing as well as your style. I say, stretch your wings and do what calls to you :)

JaninJabitt said...

Yes, yes. YES! Bella, you have these mad talents and the art of self-presentation (through self-knowledge ... one of most effective routes) is one of them. Inside, outside, it is all part of your package, and you must be aware how many of us appreciate it. Do what you want and can... just keep us all posted, please.
Jan

JaninJabitt said...

And another thing ... you and your outfits are part of what brings you to us as part of community. It takes chutzpah to present yourself for the consideration of others. Every time one of us does this, we show how much we have in common rather than less. Haven't known you long here, but hope you'll stay in sight.
J

seƱora Allnut said...

I'm one of the affected, influenced and inspired by every word you wrote here, and love your honest and genuine attitude!
So I'm glad you're on the way to expand your interests and talents and take a look and a walk around!
besos, fabulosa Bella!

Lynne DeVenny said...

I always enjoy your posts, and love your outfit pictures, so if you say you have no style, where does that leave me? :P

You've always been wonderfully generous in celebrating our community. I look forward to your future writing, and sharing your journey.

Adrienne Taylor Shubin said...

What an inspirational and authentic post, Bella. I often feel the way that you currently do. What I love most about blogging isn't the fashion or beauty posts as much as the interaction with readers and bloggers. I look forward to what you have in store for us.
Adrienne

menopauselsupermodel said...

Veery thought provoking Bella!!
i love your blog for the writing--I'm always intrigued, awed, informed by something each time. i'll be looking forward to whatever this morphs into!

pastcaring said...

Our blogs are our personal spaces, and we need to make them into places where we feel comfortable and true to ourselves, otherwise what's the point? Whatever your new direction is, Bella, I hope it feels more of a satisfying fit for where you are in your life and your interests. We'll all be waiting with great anticipation to see where you take us! xxxx

Beryl said...

I love your reference from Mark Twain. I would miss it so much if you stopped giving us pictures of your outfits.

CityScape Skybaby said...

I've only just started following you Bella so I haven't seen lots of your outfit posts but I love what you've written here. I love this little community I've found here but sometimes I worry I'm so unstylish maybe people will get sick of my blogs because generally they're just about my life, though I love seeing all the other girls' style. But I promised myself when I started this I was going to do it for me, and try not to worry if it's liked or not liked, just plough on with what I want to do and what you've written here reminds me of that. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with your blog now! xx

Lynn Dylan said...

Great post, Bella. It's funny, because fashion lately for me has been such an outlet from a hard and long past -- fashion has helped me rediscover who I am, was, and want to be. But, I am totally, completely with you! "Fashion" can come with rules, bullies, hurt, money spent, disappointment..." You know what I mean. I embrace fashion as an expression of who I am on the inside. I see that in you, and I LOVE your personal style!!

xoxo
Lynn

Adrienne said...

Wonderful post. It can be good to take a break from the blogging world and regroup. I love the Mark Twain quote :)

Adrienne
What Lola Wants

Amber of Butane Anvil said...

Beautifully articulated, Bella. Count me as another deeply interested in the art of wardrobe and daily costuming, but averse to the "in" and consumerism as an end in itself. You are so wise in moving away from what bores you and towards what ignites, and I look forward to seeing what transpires!

On our short online acquaintance, I find you to be a fiercely intelligent and interesting thinker, woman of great style, and gatherer of lovely community and connection. Write on, sister!

Veshoevius said...

Funny I've always thought of you as a writer first, and happens to have a fashion blog. You are a wonderful writer! I hear what you're saying of reaching an exhaustion with fashion and the consumerism that surrounds it. I've been feeling a similiar exhaustion of late too and finding an urge to explore other things than just "the wardrobe". The art of fashion will always fascinate a creative brain but the endless cycle of consumerism that comes hand in hand with it doesn't always sit easily with those with the ability to think the whole marketing to production to landfill process (not to mention social exlusion issues) through to it's logical conclusion. I look forward to seeing where your new direction takes you!

That's Not My Age said...

You write really well, Bella. I find your blog very thoughtful and intelligent and I'm looking forward to your new direction. I know what you mean about time spent blogging and not experiencing life to the full/ first-hand. Or reading books! Sometimes you just have to step away from the computer.

The Style Crone said...

Your writing has always inspired me, but so has your sense of style. And as I read this, your words resonate in so many ways. I have the same part of my brain that is continually working on my next post. And the part that wants to dive into life away from the computer. Finding that balance is tricky, as I too crave for meaning!

Will be following as you find your new path on this mysterious journey. With someone.


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