Saturday, May 21, 2011

outfit post: Momento Mori


"Life is short. Break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did."
                           - Mark Twain
  
Friends: life IS short. And fragile and dumb-foundedly precious. Sometimes it takes a blunt reminder from death to remember to cherish the living. Recently, friends in the bloggersphere have lost loved ones- dear Judith lost her Nelsen, Vahni, her favorite uncle and sweet Leia, her beloved father. While I haven't meet these friends in person, their loss affects me- I know what it is like to lose someone, to survive loved ones. And it ain't easy. I do know no matter how experienced you become in the the heart-wrenching loss of a good friend, a cherished family member, a lover, you never become an expert at it. The sharp cut, the deep ache is NEVER mastered. 

I lost a high school crush to a car accident fresh into college- which was a million years ago when saber-tooth tigers sun-bathed and laid-out by the pool, not swam in boggy tar pits. I've endured a fistful of loss from family members, and friends who were my family. I've held the hand and looked into the lonely gaze of a loved one I planned growing old with, cruelly unable to offer comfort for the final finish. The hardest hit for me was the death of my high school Bestie, who, into our friendship's 10th year, made other plans. She was born 13 days after me, and died 14 days before my birthday. I still feel the empty void of her absence- 

That said,  it is this rosary of loved ones that gives my life focus. I am SO grateful I had them while I did, and loved them like I do. So many of them are such an integral part of me, I know I wouldn't be breathing without them. I've stolen their laughs, borrowed their phrases and keep their memories. There is nothing so clarifying to one's perspective & priorities as the brutal kicked-to-the-teeth loss of someone you love. Bullshit gets pushed aside, and the body can't help but make living a top priority. 

LIVING is the sweet spot.

If you are breathing and reading this, trust me: you've won the lottery. I don't care how harsh your childhood was, what bad breaks you've endured- the fact of YOU ticking is the greatest gift. Life is the ultimate gift horse, so no looksies in the mouthy.  Just say Thank-YOU. 

Momento Mori: Bella celebrates life in a skull-printed corseted top.
Now Wearing: 
  • Mint green Sunnies, Target
  • Army jacket, freebie
  • Lulu, Skull print corset top, Prevues (first worn here.)
  • Cut-off shorts, freebie
  • Black skimmers, super old from Anthropologie

Calavera de la Catrina, Jose Guadalupe Posada

42 comments:

Fashion Tales.... said...

Oh my Bella, I cannot tell you how emotional and timely this post is for me to read. This is truly a lovely & heartfelt read, everyone deals with death differently & for me I've been recently reflecting on a very dear friend of mine that passed away a few years back; it's funny what things we remember about each person, sometimes I hear my friend in the background with his hilarious phrases... I am so grateful everyday of the precious life that I have. Breath in our bodies is enough to give thanks.
You look beautiful & I love your printed tank dear. xxoo

the Citizen Rosebud said...

Thank you Madison. I'm glad you liked the piece and that it offers comfort to you. This week marks the 22 year anniverary of my high school's BFF's passing, and this year for some reason it's been a hard one. Perhaps because there are so many friends around me who have recently lost loved ones. I am reminded how we are connected and how that connection is what gives us strength.

The Daily Fashionista said...

This was a good glimpse into your soul. It's interesting how death affects us all differently. I've definitley not come to terms with my grandmother's passing 4 years ago. It was untimely and devastating to me. Most recently I lost someone I grew up with to a car accident and last week was the 1 year mark since his death. It is things like that, that put life into perspective.

sacramento said...

The more I read your thoughts, the closer I get to you. Strange, and yet natural as life itself.
We might live miles apart, but still share a common soul.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

designedbyann said...

This is a very touching post!Yes we should be grateful for everyday we live and we shouldn't worry about non necessary stuff...
I've lost my father unexpectedly when I was 18 (a good 10 yrs ago that is) and to that day there are still times that tears come up to my eyes,remembering of him. And then I lost a friend aged 24 at a car accident...The pain was just too much...
So yes, I'm really thankful for everyday I spend in this world...

Oh and about your outfit: I really like the shorts and the glasses! This color(of the glasses) has to be one of my favorites!
Anna

Pearl Westwood said...

Very, very well said Bella, i cannot cope with people always moaning how bad their lives are when you know it is the only life you have, best to enjoy it!

Ife' said...

Wow Bella, just wow. Well, I am very blessed in that I have not lost very many loved ones. All four of my grandparents are living. My great grandmother died when I was in college, but she lived a long life and we had many years together.

Anyway, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Life is full of hardships, but at the end of the day if you're breathing, you're doing okay. Everything else is circumstantial and as such, temporary.

xoxo,
Eboni Ife'

Audrey@Fringe21.com said...

darling, darling YOU. thank you for this powerful post. such a velvet hammer, sweetheart.

BOOM. the truth and the urgency—right between and betwixt the eyes, but so softly that how could one's heart not be touched?

i'm grateful for you and people like you—wiling and brave—sharing, caring and reminding us to LIVE large and SEIZE!

hearts and birdies...your friend, and blogger-tweeter-daily doer, in training!!!

peace and love, bella.

Dusk said...

Bella... thank you.

Pam @ over50feeling40 said...

Love the Mark Twain quote....and how cute you are!!

Dhamma said...

I'm linking up to this in the next week. What a wonderful tribute to your internet friends and loved one's lost. Amazing post! And as a PS your hawt! GREAT look on you!

Tastes Eclectic Fashion said...

What an inspirational, truthful post. Thank you.

On another subject, you look amazing. Love the skulls.

Kerry said...

wow! love it!

the Citizen Rosebud said...

@Audrey: thank you for all your warmth and support. Your kind words really mean a lot.

@Emily and Sacramento: I didn't think of it that way- as a glimpse into my soul. But perhaps it should be. All I know is that it reveals my motivations.

@Ann: we've just recently "met." And I can tell we share many a p.o.v. in common. Looking forward in getting to know you via blogging, better.

@Pearl: I am so thrilled to see your comment- I KNEW you'd get it.

@Ife: How lucky you are to still have your grandparents!

@Dusk and Pam: Thank YOU!

@Dhamma, Tastes Eclectic and Kerry: you ladies make me smile! thank you!

any2ndnow.com said...

What a very sweet post, both the content and the outfit! I lost my father in 2004, and I think about the fact that I wish I could see his face looking at my son and my niece. But I know he's watching us from up above and smiling like crazy.

xoxo
Cyrillynn

Kirstin Marie said...

Oh, my sweet little Bella. You are so right that life is the sweet spot. I lost my best friend, my soul mate for 27 years in September 2010, and I am just barely trying to move on from losing him. Loss is such a difficult thing to deal with, especially if it's someone so close to your heart. Yes, they say to think of the fun times you had, the happy times, the memories...but in the newness of the loss those thoughts can hurt and cause more grief. Now, almost a year after his passing, I can look back and smile at his face in photos, and laugh at our jokes. I know that I am lucky to have had him in my life. I am lucky to have the people I have in my life. I am lucky to be alive. This most is absolutely amazing, I cannot thank you enough for writing it.

Aside from this post being phenomenal, you look amazing. This has been added to my favorites. Seriously. Love this.

Love you! Thank you for being such a great friend. Even though we've never "met" physically, I feel such a great friendship with you.

xo,

Kirstin

Shybiker said...

Wise words. I live by them and try to convince others of the same thing all the time. Too many people lose sight of this. Good post.

the Citizen Rosebud said...

Thank you Cy. I love the idea of you imagining him looking over his grandkids. Wonderful thought.

@Kirstin: I am so sorry for your loss- there are no proper words to soothe the pain of losing someone you loved so much, so recently. My heart goes out to you- and all I can add, is that heartbreak is something that ties us to eachother, and for that I am grateful. xo, my dear friend. I hope one day we WILL meet! -Bella Q

RocquelleIsLovely said...

Bella, my dear, you have managed to do what many have tried and failed to do...leave me speechless! I am speechless from the power of your words, speechless from the truth that touched my heart...my soul, speechless as I think about a murdered cousin whose killer was never found every day, speechless that such thoughts and feelings can be derived from a blog post, and speechless from how HOT you look in those shorts and corset style top (and amazing green sunnies that I am now wanting). Thank you Bella for your transparency and sharing your beauty with us!

the Citizen Rosebud said...

thank you Rocquelle! xo.

THE-LOUDMOUTH said...

Thank you so much for this post. I always love when you get personal. You are such a unique blogger and friend.

Love that last photo of you.

<3

Leia said...

This was a heartbreaking post, Bella. I just can't muster up the strength to write a coherent response so I am just going to send you big virtual hugs. We are so lucky to have you in the blogging world.

Leia

GRIT AND GLAMOUR said...

What a moving and eloquently-written post, Bella. While I'm sorry to learn you have experienced so much loss, I'm so glad you shared and reminded us that LIFE and LOVE are what's important!

As you know, the blogging community can be a tremendous network of support, in times of joy and sorrow—and that's because there are genuine people like YOU in it. Let us always remember to hold hands through this journey, lifting each other up with each victory, comforting each other when we feel the extraordinary sting of loss.

xo

Judith said...

Dear Bella, Thank you for your beautiful and heartfelt post. You have had many painful experiences of loss and with that, empathy for those of us who are grieving. I am reeling from the loss of Nelson, and take each day as it comes, honoring my thoughts and feelings. I am grateful for your support and the comfort which comes from this extraordinary blogging community.

lady sélénite said...

MMMmh ! Want to tatoo me this sentence !
http://selenite.weebly.com

made-to-travel.com said...

Gawsh, thank you for sharing such personal thoughts and for reminding all of us to really cherish the beautiful people in our lives and the lucky lives we're living.

Lydia said...

What a beautifully written post. A lot of people certainly take life for granted, thanks for the gentle reminder to be thankful everyday just for being alive. It is very easy to get caught up in other less important things. Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog - I am so glad you enjoyed what you saw :)
Much love,
Lydia

www.styleindependent.com

Ofelia said...

Mi querida Bella, as my heart is beating harder and my tears are flowing softly; I need to thank for this post!
I can't say nothing else but "thanks" because you already expressed everything on your writing.

señora Allnut said...

so great to read this post and feel all this enthusiasm for Life and Love and Laugh!.
besos & enjoying every moment!

Terri said...

This is so beautifully said. Each day I say a prayer that asks our Creator to remind me of all I take for granted...

My Heart Blogged said...

It's hard when we lose people to see that through the pain we need to be still live. It sounds like you have been through a hell of a lot. I'm glad the loss has made you grateful for your time with them, and for the time you have. I can't imagine losing the person I thought I would grow old with, my long term boyfriend, the thought of it has me tearing up.

Angeline said...

I love your love for life. And your top. That is all.

Misfits Vintage said...

Wow - I adore your top. The fabric is amazing and you are beautiful.

Sarah xxx

hlfonseca said...

So true so true! A friend, and mother to a girl in my daughter's class, past away after a long, gruesome, battle with cancer a couple of months ago. We weren't good friends, but there's barely a day I don't think of her. The truth is, we don't know what happens after this life, but we can enjoy this one as much as possible, and be grateful for each day, cherish it. Thank you so much for the reminder Bella! We are the lucky ones.

Love,
Heather

Laura Connell said...

Where's the Retweet button? I wanted to share this post. That Mark Twain quote is just too good.

Laura Connell said...

I was quite moved by your sharing about the losses you've gone through. That's very hard; I feel grateful that I have not suffered the loss of anyone close to me who went too soon. I'm glad you were grateful for the time you did share with them.

Mode Plus said...

I really don't have words, other that I'm touched.

MissRockwell said...

What a way to touch my heart and soul so early this morning. This is actually a topic that I think of way too often. How life is so short. How life breezes by us all too quickly. How we get so caught up into our own 'mess' that we often forget to make phone calls, maybe if only to say hello. How we fail to make time for family and friends until it's too late and we're staring grief in the face. I lost my father a number of years ago but til this day, I still sorta regret not keeping in contact more. This post has brought me face to face with the fact that I need to reach out to some folks today. Thank You Bella!

http://thriftyandshameless.blogspot.com

Stylish Thought said...

Tremendously poignant and lyrically beautiful. Bella you have truly hit the nail on the head. Life is made for living and each moment that we breath we are blessed beyond belief.

Your lost loved ones are with you every day, living through your amazing spirit.

The Foolish Aesthete said...

Wonderful quote - Mark Twain had great insight. Enjoying your blog!

The Foolish Aesthete

the Citizen Rosebud said...

Thank you Laura, Mode and Miss Rockwell! Fajr, aka Stylish Thought thank you so much for selecting this post for IFB LALM! I am honored to have made the list! And hello Aesthete, thank you for your comment and for coming by my blog! -Bella Q

glam fashionista said...

love your glasses

glamfashionistafashionista.blogspot.com

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